“And so you see I have come to doubt
All that I once held as true
I stand alone without beliefs …”
~”Kathy’s Song” Simon & Garfunkel
Seems appropriate that a song that bears my nickname would hit me square between the eyes. I was recently asked to listen to this song with my heart, journeying along with the requester. What I realized as I traveled with him and reflected on all that has happened to me, for the very first time in my life, I stand before you with no beliefs. This is utterly remarkable from someone who had so many and was SO SURE of all them.
When I speak of beliefs, I use the word beliefs and expectations interchangeably. Becky often uses the word “the rules”. A set of Universal Truths that I held, originally for everybody, and when I realized that error, made the course correction and then held them only for myself. If I do this, than I will get this, be this, win this, achieve this, live here, write my book, be on Oprah and be on my way. I think you get the picture. I am fiercely determined, always in action, willing to do whatever it takes and doing it, so of course, my belief was that I would be rewarded as visualized. To date, Oprah is not on speed dial and I am not booked on Super Soul Sunday.
This has brought me to the place of no beliefs. If you would have told me 6 months ago I would have no beliefs, I would have been scared to death. Today, I am at total peace. For without beliefs I have only moments. I absolutely know my God gifts, and I just have to be true to those today. By doing so everything else falls into place. I am a better daughter, sister, aunt, friend, worker, writer and sober member of this planet. That is my reward. It doesn’t matter if Oprah, Oz, or O’Brien calls or doesn’t call – I will listen to my soul song each day, for that day, and that day alone. Will this day see me with fierce determination, fire inside and a passion that cannot be extinguished? Yep, for that is who I am, just for today. Ask me tomorrow… I suspect… fire will still be your answer.
Can you come to a place where all your beliefs, expectations, “the rules”, whatever you call them are stripped away and you live only for what is happening in today? For every task you undertake today, can you do it without thought of where it will bring you down the line, but just be in the now?
Soul Prayer: I pray that I stay only in today and I recognize that my gifts are truly my reward.
In Soul Connection,
Fee & Becky